I don't miss it at all...
Social media, that is. I found freedom the day I deleted my Facebook account. And each story about a resentment started, jealousy ignited, and insecurity planted just reinforces that this was the right decision for me.
I used to be attached to Facebook. Had to check the wall in the morning, constantly in contact with one person or another, involved in one thing or another. I really thought I would struggle, that I would miss it, that I would wish I had it back. I never struggled. The minute I confirmed that I wanted to delete it, I relaxed.
It all started one day when JP looked at me and told me he was thinking about deleting his Facebook. He said that he had realized there wasn't anything about it that wasn't self-serving and that he felt more and more that it was a negative aspect in his life rather than a positive. Like other times in our lives when JP has a brilliant idea, I reacted like he had lost his mind. I mean, come on - I hate that he felt it was self-serving, but it wasn't that way for me. Or was it?
After he brought this up, I became increasingly aware of the subtle little things - comparing myself to other moms, thinking people are stupid/ignorant/self-serving, taking things personally that had absolutely nothing to do with me or getting offended about this or that, feeling competitive about Jenna's developmental milestones. Then I started noticing other things, like being on the dance floor almost all night either by myself or with a small handful of people because everyone else was off to the side, taking pictures of themselves to post to Facebook so everyone else in the world could see that they were having a good time. And then I noticed it at parties, weddings, social gatherings. People missing out on the very event they are attending so they can post pictures to show what a good time they are(n't) having. It is truly absurd.
Not to mention the times where friends have sat back, horrified to realize that a countdown an old high school friend was doing for some event turned out to be a countdown to his suicide. All the hundreds of his friends were witness to this in real time, but clueless as to what was really going on and powerless to stop it. And this is the truth of social media.
Anyone can argue all day long with me about the fact that they want to stay in contact with other people or make connections with long lost friends/classmates/lovers/whatever. But no matter what...
it's superficial.
Not real.
Has no substance.
None.
Once I saw this for what it was, I had no desire to stay a part of it. People were not being voyeurs in my life without my permission - I was inviting and encouraging it. And like putting those cute little family stickers, school stickers, gymnastics and dance stickers on a car, I was giving 600+ people a glimpse into my daily life, and threatening the privacy of my child, my husband, and myself. The fact is that 98% of the people I was friends with on Facebook were old acquaintances of some kind - people who, if I see them in the store, I take 5 minutes to catch up with and have nothing more of substance to say. I can go another 10 years and still only have 5 minutes of catching up to do. So why do I believe that everyone of these people needs to have access into the inner workings of my life? They don't. What is it mean, then, that I feel compelled to give that to them? I came to understand that the very basic nature of it, like JP said, is self-serving. Like any other situation in my life where I realize that I am motivated my self-seeking or selfish motives, once I realized it, I had to so something about it. To not do something about it would be like giving away my spirit, one post at a time, which is something I am not willing to do.
Deleting my Facebook was a decision I made to help find lost peace in my life. And by deleting my Facebook, I found it. So when people ask me if I miss my Facebook, I can honestly answer, I don't miss it at all.
I used to be attached to Facebook. Had to check the wall in the morning, constantly in contact with one person or another, involved in one thing or another. I really thought I would struggle, that I would miss it, that I would wish I had it back. I never struggled. The minute I confirmed that I wanted to delete it, I relaxed.
It all started one day when JP looked at me and told me he was thinking about deleting his Facebook. He said that he had realized there wasn't anything about it that wasn't self-serving and that he felt more and more that it was a negative aspect in his life rather than a positive. Like other times in our lives when JP has a brilliant idea, I reacted like he had lost his mind. I mean, come on - I hate that he felt it was self-serving, but it wasn't that way for me. Or was it?
After he brought this up, I became increasingly aware of the subtle little things - comparing myself to other moms, thinking people are stupid/ignorant/self-serving, taking things personally that had absolutely nothing to do with me or getting offended about this or that, feeling competitive about Jenna's developmental milestones. Then I started noticing other things, like being on the dance floor almost all night either by myself or with a small handful of people because everyone else was off to the side, taking pictures of themselves to post to Facebook so everyone else in the world could see that they were having a good time. And then I noticed it at parties, weddings, social gatherings. People missing out on the very event they are attending so they can post pictures to show what a good time they are(n't) having. It is truly absurd.
Not to mention the times where friends have sat back, horrified to realize that a countdown an old high school friend was doing for some event turned out to be a countdown to his suicide. All the hundreds of his friends were witness to this in real time, but clueless as to what was really going on and powerless to stop it. And this is the truth of social media.
Anyone can argue all day long with me about the fact that they want to stay in contact with other people or make connections with long lost friends/classmates/lovers/whatever. But no matter what...
it's superficial.
Not real.
Has no substance.
None.
Once I saw this for what it was, I had no desire to stay a part of it. People were not being voyeurs in my life without my permission - I was inviting and encouraging it. And like putting those cute little family stickers, school stickers, gymnastics and dance stickers on a car, I was giving 600+ people a glimpse into my daily life, and threatening the privacy of my child, my husband, and myself. The fact is that 98% of the people I was friends with on Facebook were old acquaintances of some kind - people who, if I see them in the store, I take 5 minutes to catch up with and have nothing more of substance to say. I can go another 10 years and still only have 5 minutes of catching up to do. So why do I believe that everyone of these people needs to have access into the inner workings of my life? They don't. What is it mean, then, that I feel compelled to give that to them? I came to understand that the very basic nature of it, like JP said, is self-serving. Like any other situation in my life where I realize that I am motivated my self-seeking or selfish motives, once I realized it, I had to so something about it. To not do something about it would be like giving away my spirit, one post at a time, which is something I am not willing to do.
Deleting my Facebook was a decision I made to help find lost peace in my life. And by deleting my Facebook, I found it. So when people ask me if I miss my Facebook, I can honestly answer, I don't miss it at all.
I (finally) updated my blog tonight and the last paragraph talks about exactly this. As I read your post I found myself laughing and shaking my head in complete agreement. Although I haven't completely deleted my Facebook I am weaning myself off and surprisingly I don't find the need to check it 24-7. Life is a lot more freeing when I don't spend half my day comparing my life to those in my newsfeed!
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