How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough?
After reviewing what I have written all in one, I apologize ahead of time for the length, and the fact that it may seem like I jump from one thing to another. Think of it as a representation of my thought process, a free association blog post, if you will. Thanks in advance for reading. This post truly is a pouring out of my heart...
I pulled out an old India.Arie CD recently and started listening to it. There are just some artists that perform straight to my soul and she is certainly one of them.
One of the things I love about her is her desire to lift her partner up in celebration, building him up and making it clear that he is the man of her world. This is something I strive to do for JP and something at which I can certainly do better. As a result, I love examples of women like her who are strong, powerful women who display that you can live in service to your husband without losing your strength as a woman. In fact, the process of submitting in service to him actually builds me up, and our strengths reflect off of one another, making us much more powerful as a bond than we could ever be individually. I truly believe this is God's intention for us, and as time progresses my heart better understands the spiritual significance of this - why this is God's instruction for us as wives in the Bible. Thanks to you ladies who have better helped me understand this by showing me the example of this in your lives - hopefully you know who you are! The song in particular is Complicated Melody. Here is the video for it - I don't know if I could come up with better lyrics myself (and I certainly can't sing) so I will let India sing the song of my heart for me:
I listened to the song 3 or 4 times in a row (as I always do) and started thinking about another song that I used to listen to a lot when JP and I were dating (and long before that, but it had meaning after we started dating). This song is I'm Ready for Love. I came home and started listening to it, and realized it certainly is representative of where we are now. Instead of it being my heart's cry to God about being ready to make a commitment to the man I knew he created just for me, it is also representative of my heart's cry to God about being willing to make a commitment to His will for me about having children.
For those of you who don't know, for reasons I won't go into here, I truly did not believe I was able to get pregnant. So much so that I shared this with JP openly prior to getting married, at which time we made a decision to try when we were ready, but were more realistically prepared to adopt when the time was right. After we were married I heard an story one morning on WMHK that made me cry uncontrollably, then and everytime I tried to share the story thereafter. It was then I realized that maybe I hadn't accepted this idea as much as I thought I had. I thought and prayed about it for days. One morning in the shower I just sat down and cried my eyes (and my heart) out. It was then that I truly was willing to say to God, "Your will, not mine, be done." This was last fall. As in everything in life, when I was willing to submit my will to God and pray truly for his will for me, God was able to open my heart. We all know where this story has brought us. I am amazed by the power of Grace. I learned a long time ago that Grace can move in and through me so long as my heart is in an open place, and this is no exception. As a result, I would like to share the song with you - the heart's cry that continues as we are in preparation to receive our wonderful gift into the world (forgive the 8 second ad at the beginning):
Hopefully you are still with me. This all brought me to thinking about what song I would want to have represent our journey through the pregnancy. A few notable songs came to mind:
-To Zion by Lauryn Hill - my sister's heart song to my oldest nephew and no doubt his to his daughter. Part of one the verses she sings in it makes me cry every time - "And I thank you for choosing me...To come through unto life to be...A beautiful reflection of his grace...See I know that a gift so great...Is only one God could create..." A beautiful song, but not one that fully represents our circumstances.
-Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks. For those of you who know the song, you know the title of the blog came from there. Again, a great song, but really more for a child that has already been born.
-Capri by Colbie Caillat. On an acoustic set, she is one of my favorite artists - who I sadly feel has sold out to the pop industry in the process of trying to find fame. This song is beautiful, but we are not quite sure of the sex, so I still didn't feel it represented where we are now.
And then I found it. It was a suggestion on a pregnancy blog - The Things We've Handed Down by Marc Cohn. As I listened to this song I cried so hard because the reality of the miraculousness of all of this hit me. I didn't think I was going to be able to be a mother - not in the way that I would live the miracle of experiencing the growth of human life within me. Part of the experience of the first child is perfectly captured in this song. What will they look like? Will they have my eyes - JP's smile - my temper - JP's calm spirit...Dad's hearty laugh - Mom Jody's sense of humor - Mom Linda's upbeat attitude - the twinkle in Kimmie's eyes that always leads you to believe she has something up her sleeve - Beth's creativity? Will we see the people in them that have gone before us? Will we see our grandparents, JP's dad?
What it all equals is that this is something we have created together - something that is an expression of the two of us in a unique way not created before. Yet another expression of God's love for us - through us.
There just doesn't seem any perfect way to close this one without being anti-climatic. So I will do it in the way that I always do....by thanking all of you. Words can't express the debt of gratitude we have for our friends and family. If any one aspect of our lives had been different - seconds and inches, as Clancy would say - we might not be here. For that we owe God, our families and our extended spirit family everything we have to give.
We love you - and thank you for sharing in this joyous time with us!
Love,
Julie :)
I pulled out an old India.Arie CD recently and started listening to it. There are just some artists that perform straight to my soul and she is certainly one of them.
One of the things I love about her is her desire to lift her partner up in celebration, building him up and making it clear that he is the man of her world. This is something I strive to do for JP and something at which I can certainly do better. As a result, I love examples of women like her who are strong, powerful women who display that you can live in service to your husband without losing your strength as a woman. In fact, the process of submitting in service to him actually builds me up, and our strengths reflect off of one another, making us much more powerful as a bond than we could ever be individually. I truly believe this is God's intention for us, and as time progresses my heart better understands the spiritual significance of this - why this is God's instruction for us as wives in the Bible. Thanks to you ladies who have better helped me understand this by showing me the example of this in your lives - hopefully you know who you are! The song in particular is Complicated Melody. Here is the video for it - I don't know if I could come up with better lyrics myself (and I certainly can't sing) so I will let India sing the song of my heart for me:
I listened to the song 3 or 4 times in a row (as I always do) and started thinking about another song that I used to listen to a lot when JP and I were dating (and long before that, but it had meaning after we started dating). This song is I'm Ready for Love. I came home and started listening to it, and realized it certainly is representative of where we are now. Instead of it being my heart's cry to God about being ready to make a commitment to the man I knew he created just for me, it is also representative of my heart's cry to God about being willing to make a commitment to His will for me about having children.
For those of you who don't know, for reasons I won't go into here, I truly did not believe I was able to get pregnant. So much so that I shared this with JP openly prior to getting married, at which time we made a decision to try when we were ready, but were more realistically prepared to adopt when the time was right. After we were married I heard an story one morning on WMHK that made me cry uncontrollably, then and everytime I tried to share the story thereafter. It was then I realized that maybe I hadn't accepted this idea as much as I thought I had. I thought and prayed about it for days. One morning in the shower I just sat down and cried my eyes (and my heart) out. It was then that I truly was willing to say to God, "Your will, not mine, be done." This was last fall. As in everything in life, when I was willing to submit my will to God and pray truly for his will for me, God was able to open my heart. We all know where this story has brought us. I am amazed by the power of Grace. I learned a long time ago that Grace can move in and through me so long as my heart is in an open place, and this is no exception. As a result, I would like to share the song with you - the heart's cry that continues as we are in preparation to receive our wonderful gift into the world (forgive the 8 second ad at the beginning):
Hopefully you are still with me. This all brought me to thinking about what song I would want to have represent our journey through the pregnancy. A few notable songs came to mind:
-To Zion by Lauryn Hill - my sister's heart song to my oldest nephew and no doubt his to his daughter. Part of one the verses she sings in it makes me cry every time - "And I thank you for choosing me...To come through unto life to be...A beautiful reflection of his grace...See I know that a gift so great...Is only one God could create..." A beautiful song, but not one that fully represents our circumstances.
-Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks. For those of you who know the song, you know the title of the blog came from there. Again, a great song, but really more for a child that has already been born.
-Capri by Colbie Caillat. On an acoustic set, she is one of my favorite artists - who I sadly feel has sold out to the pop industry in the process of trying to find fame. This song is beautiful, but we are not quite sure of the sex, so I still didn't feel it represented where we are now.
And then I found it. It was a suggestion on a pregnancy blog - The Things We've Handed Down by Marc Cohn. As I listened to this song I cried so hard because the reality of the miraculousness of all of this hit me. I didn't think I was going to be able to be a mother - not in the way that I would live the miracle of experiencing the growth of human life within me. Part of the experience of the first child is perfectly captured in this song. What will they look like? Will they have my eyes - JP's smile - my temper - JP's calm spirit...Dad's hearty laugh - Mom Jody's sense of humor - Mom Linda's upbeat attitude - the twinkle in Kimmie's eyes that always leads you to believe she has something up her sleeve - Beth's creativity? Will we see the people in them that have gone before us? Will we see our grandparents, JP's dad?
What it all equals is that this is something we have created together - something that is an expression of the two of us in a unique way not created before. Yet another expression of God's love for us - through us.
There just doesn't seem any perfect way to close this one without being anti-climatic. So I will do it in the way that I always do....by thanking all of you. Words can't express the debt of gratitude we have for our friends and family. If any one aspect of our lives had been different - seconds and inches, as Clancy would say - we might not be here. For that we owe God, our families and our extended spirit family everything we have to give.
We love you - and thank you for sharing in this joyous time with us!
Love,
Julie :)
Beautiful post, Julie. God's faithfulness is amazing. So happy for you and JP!
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